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The Razor's Edge
by p.l. frank
Pretzel Logic

EC: "Well, think of a rotating power outage block as the area that has been designated to act as a sort of trip on a circuit breaker in times of high vulnerability, to prevent an area-wide power outage."
Me: "Oh, so you mean my house will be one of the first to lose power any time the system is threatened of becoming overloaded?"
EC: "In essence, yes."
Me: "Oh, so you mean I am paying for the possibility of NOT having power?"
EC: "Uh, well (pause) technically...yes."
Me: "Uh-huh."

The upside in this particular Pretzel Logic is that each and every time I was late for work because my alarm did not go off due to an overnight outage, I always knew I was getting my money’s worth.

Pretzel Logic and Non-essential Industry: I recently fought traffic to circle several city blocks searching for parking, only to discover that the ATM I normally use had been replaced by a large, professionally-painted sign that read, "For Your Convenience, we have removed this automated teller machine." For my CONVENIENCE? Now, I want you to think carefully about this for a moment. These sort of things don’t just "happen". We are talking about a bank here. There had to be scores of people in several meetings who not only made the decision to remove the ATM but to decide upon and approve, as well as call up the sign company and order a sign that actually said the words to their customers, "For Your Convenience."

"For my convenience" pales in comparison, however, to the recent notice enclosed in my latest cable bill. Inside the envelope was a letter that rambled on for several paragraphs about the great lengths the cable company was needing to go through just to ensure uninterrupted service. At the bottom of the letter was the statement, "For you protection, beginning this month the rates on basic cable have been increased." For my PROTECTION the rates have been raised? What kind of logic is this? What is it they think they are protecting me from, exactly? If they really wanted to protect me, they would stop airing incessant broadcasts of Naughty Nurses and reruns of The Equalizer and give me something I could really use. Like maybe a weekly series on how to start a revolt.


b i o
P.L. Frank enjoys writing both nonfiction social satire and funny, thought-provoking novels.  Dr. Frank has been a researcher in the field of Behavioral and Social Sciences since 1983, and has worked as a university professor and therapist. 

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