Despite what you may have read in the Post or GQ or Cosmo,
lounge culture and swing culture are two very different entities and rarely the
twain shall meet. So for all the uninitiated, I offer this primer:
Daddy-O
|
Diner
|
| Sharkskin suits |
Zoot suits |
| Tight skirts |
Twirly skirts |
| The only women's underwear you're likely to see is the occasional errant
bra strap |
Your panties have to coordinate with your dress 'cause everybody's gonna
see them |
| B&W Doc Martins considered cool |
B&W Doc Martins considered dangerous |
| Pompadours on the guys |
Pompadours on the gals |
| High heels |
Flats that can accommodate your custom orthotics |
| All you need for a night out is a tiny clutch for your red lipstick and
compact |
You carry a suitcase to handle your towel, water bottle, ankle brace, extra
dry shirts... |
| 3 am finds you sitting in a smoky club, martini in hand
|
3 am finds you sitting in a diner, chocolate milkshake in
hand |
| Slim gals never seem to eat |
Slim gals eat like lumberjacks |
| You instruct your date not to muss your hair |
Hairdos are rated by whether or not they can survive a
waterfall, the pretzel, and an around the world |
| The dancing in "Swingers" looks pretty impressive to you |
The dancing in "Hellzapoppin'" looks pretty impressive to you
|
| Sunday morning finds you reaching for the asprin to cure
your aching head |
Sunday morning finds you reaching for the asprin to cure
your aching legs and feet |
| Vintage means 1960's |
Vintage means 1940's |
| You think Cherry Poppin' Daddies is a real swingin' band
|
You think the Bill Eliot Orchestra is a real swingin'
band |
| Everybody smokes - it's retro |
Nobody smokes - it kills your wind |
| You use weird phrases like "money" and
"it's so on" |
You use weird phrases like "swing out" and
"break move" |
| "Wanna shag?" earns a slap |
"Wanna shag?" earns a dance |
| Frank Sinatra is your patron saint |
Frank Manning is your patron saint |
| You want to be just like Dean Martin |
You want to be just like Dean Collins |
| It's not a good night out if you don't come home with
digits |
It's not a good night out if you don't come home with 3
new moves |
| Vince Vaughn makes the gals swoon |
Fred Astaire makes the gals swoon |
| Las Vegas is Mecca - land of the Rat Pack |
Las Vegas is Mecca - land of Maxie Dorf |
| In a new club, you wonder if the bar stocks your favorite brand of vodka
|
In a new club, you wonder if the bar stocks your favorite flavor of
Gatorade |
| You can taste the difference between Stoli, Absolut, and
Belvedere and you have a distinct preference |
You can taste the difference between Deer Park, Evian,
and Naya and you have a distinct preference |
| A drink or two loosens you up and makes you a better dancer |
A drink or two causes your regular partner to wave off air steps |
| You see a great air step in a jam and wonder how they did
that |
You see a great air step in a jam and figure out how they
did that |
| Eating a full meal at 3 am sounds disgusting |
Eating a full meal at 3 am sounds like any weekend night |
| Your favorite meal: steak, scotch, cigar |
Your favorite meal: scrambled eggs, milkshake, chocolate
cake |
| Dream girl? Marilyn Monroe |
Dream girl? Norma Miller |
| Cigar=Money & Status |
El Pachuco custom zoot=Money & Status |
| Martini=Style |
Bleyers=Style |
| Arthur Murray teaches you how to dance |
Ryan Francois teaches you how to dance |
| You do your gambling at the black jack table |
You do your gambling on eBay |
| A Swing/Ska record label seems logical |
A Swing/Ska record label seems like an abomination |
|
|
With the swing revival humming along, and
our strange little subculture being observed, studied, and written about by
many who are not "in the know," there has been a disturbing
conflation of dance culture, or what we affectionately refer to as diner
culture, and lounge culture, or as we refer to it: daddy-os and kittens.