SHIZZ HITS THE FAN
We need to get some things straight and sorted out here. To understand.
We need to go back. Back to the town of tinkerers, inventors and
Through the Remington sessions, Boomer and the Blue Men developed
Shizzlebot. While Remington had allowed for accurate recall of
dreams and the moving of objects into the Tray shizz was
different. Shizz was different, first of all, because it created
a local gravitation field. The local field was strong enough to
warp the fabric of space-time. Some of the early experiments were
messy, to say the least.
The first batch of shizz was discovered not too long after Chipper
and the Wanderlusters played for the Policemen's Ball.
Here's the story as I know it.
Sometime in October following the unequaled fun and prosperity
the town had experience, some peculiar events occured. The first
thing that was noticed, or rumored to have happened, was the disappearance
of the temple where the Blue Men met. For a full hour the building
had vanished. Several notable people in the community witnessed
the strange happening, including a deputy. That the building had
physically vanished might be questionable, but what no one could
deny was the appearance of the building the next day. The temple
had long been a dark tannish color. The very next day it stood
there for all to see. It was painted in a brilliant white.
Some people thought it might be a joke. Others thought the local
punks were back to no good. It was estimated by a local college
professor that it would have taken fifty men a full two days to
entirely repaint the building. Something was up. It was in the
The Blue Men, realizing the full ramifications of shizz, set out
to design another version of the Tray. What they found, of course,
was that if the mind wandered even ever so slightly while on shizz,
the thoughts would materialize. They needed a device or chamber
that could somehow stablize the thoughts. Something, quite hokey,
that the men tried actually worked. It seemed too obvious,
but was worth a try. One of the men underwent a dream session
on Remington for the solution. And, the solution, detailed plans,
drawings and all, appeared in the Tray. Albeit, folded and crumbled
into a tiny ball, but intact. What appeared in the Tray were the
designs for the first mover.
The very first mover was called the Egg. It was large enough to
hold one man. What the Egg essentially did was monitor heart-rate
and breathing what could be called a biofeedback machine.
It would take various biological readings over the course of a
few minutes. The lowest heart rate and the slowest breath intervals
would be recorded. The Egg would then lock-in on those readings
and provide an environment for constant reinforcement of thought.
The Egg also kept the gravitational field created by the shizz
to a small, local area called the sweet spot. Other
than that, I could not tell you more about the techincal workings
of the machine.
Boomer was the first man to work inside the Egg. It was predicted
and found that he was able to move in space-time. The first experiment
involved Boomer simply going back approximately ten minutes. It
was said that even the steel-nerved Blue Men at the meeting were
taken aback when Boomer physically walked into the room. The same
room where he was simultaneously inside the Egg. The men
were even further perplexed, when two minutes later, Boomer literally
vanished before their eyes. He was found to be in perfect condition
when the hatch to the Egg was opened.
Boomer had been the first peson ever to move. Moving, as
it was and still is called, is the result of a local gravitational
field that is so strong, it collapses the three dimensions we
all know and love. There is no height, no width and no depth.
The sweet spot created by the collapse of the space-time
continuumm, exists in the fourth dimension, also called 4D.
The fourth dimension is what those rooted in a three-dimensional
world experience as the passage of time. What is generally not
noticed, is that it is also experienced as moving in space. And
the two can not be separated.
You need to understand this. Let's use a traffic intersection
as an example. Yesterday, if you were driving through an intersection
at precisely three o'clock in the afternoon that is the
only time in which the intersection existed, and furthermore,
it is also the only space in which it existed. It will never exist
in that space-time again. If you pass through the intersection
again the next day, it will appear to you to be in the
same place. However, it is not. The intersection has moved..
The only reason it doesn't appear to have moved to you, is that
you have also moved. You have moved in space-time.
Hang on here. Don't fall asleep. You will understand soon enough.
To move foward a little in a manner of speaking
Boomer and the men continued the experiments with shizz and the
Egg . It was soon found that a destination corresponding to space-time
could be pin-pointed and precalculated. The destination that Boomer
and other men had selected and moved to was humbly dubbed sector
Sector Alpha began as nothing more than an arbitray and unoccupied
field in 4D. The first three-dimensional object that was moved
to Alpha was a small , blue cat-eye marble. At first, it appeared
to be suspended in nothingness, but it served as a recognizable
sign post for the experiments to follow.
Early on, only one man could move to Alpha at a time. Each would
take a small object. After several sessions they had quite a collection
of brik-a-brak in sector Alpha. At some point someone even took
a chair, then a small table, then a lamp. The lamp was an interesting
idea, but there was no where to plug it in. Not a problem evidently.
A small electrical generator was soon moved to Alpha.
This pattern continued until there was the equivalent of an entire
house worth of various odds and ends. Additional Eggs were also
constructed, allowing several men to move to Alpha at once.
And the pattern continued. You have to imagine this. An entirely
new space and time was created out of nothing by
these men. The Alpha sector occupied no three-dimensional space.
It existed, and still exists, outside of three-dimensional space-time.
It was the first movement of civilization into the forth dimension.
The Blue Men soon began having their Tuesday meetings in sector
Alpha. I am not all clear on the who and what, but those men soon
had a small-scale town for themselves in Alpha. Some of the men
would even remain there for days at a time.
Through a series of experiments, it was discovered that much more
could be moved to Alpha. Entire buildings, vast expanses of land,
trees, streams. You have to keep in mind that Alpha was an environment
outside of space-time. Physical laws as we knew them did not apply
there. With the aid of the Eggs that had been built and the shizz
the Blue Men created a world.
All during the Shizzlebot and Egg experiments the fly-on-the-wall
remained. Chipper, himself, was usually not present, but one of
the early Wanderers would often hide unnoticed as they had been
doing for well over a year. All through the later Remington and
Shizzlebot sessions, the Wanderers had witnessed everything.
After so much success was had by the Wanderers with the small
amounts of stolen Rem, they couldn't resist helping themselves
to a pinch of shizz. Shizz had always been used by men with very
disciplined minds, and always in conjunction with the Egg.
Late one night, one of the Wanderers it is not known which
one took a small amount of shizz from the temple. He met
back at the meeting place of the Wanderers, which had been Chipper's
Aunt's house for quite some time by then. It was decided that
Chipper would smoke the first shizz-laced cigarette.
The occurences and events on the evening of Chipper's first shizz
session are sketchy at best. Chipper must have created a gavitational
field, becoming the sweet spot but since he did
not have the stability of the field created by the Egg, everything
that his distracted and freely-associating mind thought about
materialized. That night the town was rained upon
by a virtual storm of white v-necked t-shirts, silver trumpets,
various motorcycle parts, currency in every denomination, combs,
polmade, cigarettes, leather gloves and even bottles of liquor.
The bottles smashed in the streets for a two-block radius, trumpets
hung in trees, money blew in every direction. Cats hissed, dogs
parked. People who came out into the streets screamed. All hell
was very much braking loose.
Within two hours, the storm subsided. The streets near Chipper's
house were littered and strewn with objects, gunk, and the stink
and stickiness of booze. The shizz had hit the fan, and nothing
would ever be the same.
The shizz had hit the fan but everything had yet to go ape-shit.
In all the commotion, Chipper and the few early Wanderers had
escaped. And probably had a good idea they would not be welcomed
back to the town. Not only that, but a secret branch of high-level
federal investigators and intelligence gathering agents had been
summoned to the area surrounding Chipper's house. Within a few
hours, the entire town was seized. No one went in and no one went
out. People were instructed to remain in their houses. The residents
within a three-block were bussed out of town with only what they
could carry in their arms. Many of those bussed out were heard
Battalions of armed forces were mobilized to the town. The entire
area within a twenty-five-mile radius was sealed off. News media
were not allowed in, and were ordered to leave the area immediately.
The story never made it in any newspapers. There were no reports
on the news, not even in neighboring towns. The town was shut
off and shrouded.
No one outside of a few people in the small town ever knew anything.
An all-points bulletin was announced on Chipper and known associates
to every law-enforcement bureau in the nation. He was the most-wanted
man in eight surrounding states.
Facts are not clear at this point, but what is known is that the
Wanderers headed towards Pittsburgh, hoping to hide in the anonymity
of a large metropolis. The man hunt continued around the clock
for over two weeks. Someone tipped off the police that the Wanderers
were hiding out in the city zoo. One of them had a brother who
worked as a zookeeper there and was hiding them in an empty room
adjoining the primates section.
A stand-off ensued. The entire zoo was sealed off, and special
units brought into the area. The stand-off lasted for over a week.
It is also not known how much knowledge of Shizzlebot, if any,
the special law enforcement teams had in their possession. Again,
facts are fuzzy, but at some point the Wanderers decided on an
escape plan. After a week of holding off the law officials, the
Wanderers went on the offensive one evening. It is not know exactly
who, but one or more of them made their way into the chimpanzee
cages and threw shizz-laced bananas within reach of several
What happened next depends on the source relaying the information.
The monkeys gladly gobbled up the bananas and began running around
and doing monkey things. A squad car sitting idle a hundred yards
away contained the first officers who were alerted to the fact
that something was awry. The dozing officers were startled by
a thud on the hood of their car. They opened the doors and got
out to investigate. They found several bananas laying on and around
the car. They radioed in a call to their superiors. Orders went
out for all units to stand by and be on ready alert. There were,
by some accounts, over two hundred armed men in the immediate
As an entire army of law men stood by as shower of bananas began
raining down on the zoo followed by other assorted candy
and food and shit. Monkey shit rained down from the sky
and covered the men and there cars. Bananas and ape shit flooded
the zoo. The sounds of distressed exotic animals could be heard
through the downpour. The law men quickly ran for the cover of
their squad cars. The shit was soon followed by brightly-colored
plastic balls and chains and wooden chairs and cardboard boxes.
More bananas. More shit.
The Storm of the Monkeys, as it was later called, lastest a full
two hours by most reports. When the commotion finally ended a
two-hundred-square-meter area of the zoo was covered in monkey
shit and banana mash. For the record, the chimps names were Joe,
Daisy, Lefty, Carl and Lou Lou.
Again, additional secret military forces were called in to secure
and zone off the zoo. No one went in and no one went out. The
word given to the media was that a rare virus had been discovered
in the primates section and the zoo was being held under quarantine.
The zoo was closed down and secured for most of the next month
while clean-up crews shoveled, hosed and scoured the premises.
In all the ruckus, the Wanderers had escaped. Their planned had
worked. Led by Chipper they fled north to New York City, where
they were given asylum by a group of jazz musicians they had befriended
earlier through their association with The Wanderlusters. This
was right at the time of the birth of cool.
After the Wanderers had rested and regrouped it was decided by
them that they would be safer if they split up and individually
made their own way and, of course, each carried with them
a small amount of shizz. They had also decided if need be, they
would act in unison from each of their respective far-flung destinations.
By then, the names and identities of the early group of Wanderers
was known to selected high-ranking law-enforcement officials.
Chipper was known as the leader, his right-hand man was named
as Robert Fiskin, a.k.a. Bopper, two others were known only as
PT and Skunk. The fifth and last member, though later reported
as unwilling, was identified as Cherry Farthington.
Upon dispersing, the individual destinations of the five members
of the Wanderers is reported to have been, Chipper in New York,
Bopper in Los Angeles, PT in Miami, Skunk in Houston and Cherry
who was to have gone to Chicago made a bee-line
for the town of the tinkerers, inventors and dreamers.
Things seemed to cool down for a spell, but a problem entered
the picture. Chipper had begun using cocaine while hiding out
with some of the jazz musicians. This lead to an extreme state
of paranoia on his part, and a disturbed state of mind that would
ultimately unravel the known three-dimensional world. All the
Wanderers had remained in contact except for Cherry. Chipper still
had a enough Remington in his possession, and had soon fashioned
another Tray. With newly materialized valuables, Chipper was able
to rekindle his business-associate channels he had established
earlier. Soon, an entire network had been formed and new members
were quickly cultivated with the allure of promised riches. Each
member of the original four willing members soon had a small army
of devoted psychonauts and punks who would carry out any order
passed down by Chipper.
The Wanderers gathered steam and had, in not too long of a time,
over five hundred members, or in their own terms, "associates".
An order was passed down by Chipper to secure the services of
chemists for the expressed purpose of synthesizing additional
Shizzlebot. The chemists were payed handsomely. The chemist working
for the Los Angeles chapter of the Wanderers was the first one
to grab the brass ring and strike gold. His name was Thomas Krammel,
and he successfully manufacturered enough shizz to, in his own
words, "knock the shizz out of the entire planet." Herr Krammel,
incidently, was an escaped Nazi criminal. A sadist in the truest
sense of the word.
Upon delivery of the mega-batch of shizz to the Wanderers, Krammel
was paid five-hundred-thousand dollars, at which point he promptly
fled to South America.
Months passed and Chipper grew more and more disturbed. He grew
restless in his hide-out quarters. One evening he decided to take
an expensive chance and took his trumpet down to a local jazz
club to jam for the evening. Someone tipped off the police and
within and hour Chipper was arrested and charged with over thirty
felony counts. At his arraignment the judge denied bail and had
Chipper detained until the trial in a maximum-security cell.
The news of Chipper's arrest quickly reached Bopper in Los Angeles,
who was next-in-command of the Wanderers. A plan had already been
mapped out in the event of Chipper's disappearance. Another diversion.
A diversion that would make the Shower of the Monkeys look like
a day at the zoo.
Over five-hundred newly-recruited Wanderers were dispersed throughout
the entire face of the planet Earth. Each of them carried over
one-hundred-thousand dollars and a small container of shizz. If
needed, more cash and supplies could be mobilized to any Wanderer
within half a day.
The dispersement of the Wanderers took just over a week. There
were members in every major city in Europe, Asia, South American,
North American and Australia. By then, Chipper had been detained
for ten days. Each member was instructed to purchase everything
necessary to operate a small street-vending cart containing pretzels,
hot dogs and roasted almonds. Selected items were to be laced
with Shizzlebot. All the Wanderers watches around the world were
synchronized to Eastern Standard Time. On the eleventh hour of
the eleventh day of Chipper's incarceration, shizz-laced food
was sold and distributed to unknowing members of the general public
in every part of the world. Everywhere there was a Wanderer with
a street cart there was shizz that would soon be in the
system of unsuspecting people. It was calculate that an avaerage
of twenty items of shizz-laced food would be sold in the fifteen-minute
time limit at which point the carts were simply to be left
unattended. The Wanderers were informed that they would have ten
to fifteen minutes to take cover before ten thousand people around
the globe locally collapsed the space-time continuumm and became
Eggless sweet spots.
Ten thousand minds manifesting an untold amount of debris and
havoc into their respective local environment within a radius
of two-hundred meters. And that time, no amount of secret forces
or military hush-ups could hide what happened. But by then, no
cover-up would be necessary. The Blue Men had been alerted in
advance and were standing-by with a particularly effective counter-measure.
Sector Beta had been prepared.